Under charges of deserting the fraternity of men Pvt. Ignatius J. Menzies was forcibly brought into custody for questioning last night by a highly-trained squad of his concerned brothers.
His obstinacy and refusal to cooperate left us with no choice but to leave him hooded and bound in solitary confinement, with arbitrarily administered beatings and medicines.
The subject proved to have been indoctrinated to a dangerous degree by the deceptive ranks of womankind and required restraints for much longer than had been anticipated.
Eventually, after significant plea bargaining, the defendant was released on parole and plied with all kinds of truth serum.
Thankfully, in due time we salvaged what was left of the man's dignity and proceeded to celebrate mightily.
