Awry, Amiss, Amok

 

I. Like. To party. I like, I like to party!

Friday night: land in Werringhon.

Saturday: brilliant housewarming feat. strawberries & Fraise and the best lamb of my life. Hot tip — lamb is the new steak. Try marinating and then barbecuing seasoned chops in a crust of equal parts mint, lemon, garlic and olive oil. The night was rounded out by a sweet 21st in Petone where I tried to buy girls drinks but had my card declined. Eek! Quote of the night: "I'm not a skinhead, I'm just racist"... aah, Petone.

Sunday: blurry on details. Feel free to invent your own adventure with the following keywords: suave, hilarious, unflappable, kooky, an instant bestseller.

Monday: happy birthday Bob, One Love! The thing about One Love is that it is actually about the love. So when someone asks, "Who's yer mate?" you are justified in replying, "Why, everybody!" (Alternatively, "Would you like some more cider?" works well too.) After an armada of 'Yay!'s and a bevvie of boogies the day was once again cemented as Best Of The Year, for the fifth time running. When you're as cool as I am, it is easy to forget that you are also a complete dickhead, so it was as surprising for me as for her when I let slip with one of the most ferociously insensitive things I've said in months. It took a much tinier female to be the bigger man, and a stellar conversational marathon to make things much better than before, by the time we fell asleep at dawn.

Tuesday and I'm blue to be returning to Auckland. In fact, you might say that I was so blue to be returning that I handed in my notice at the first opportunity. You might even say that I will most likely be "coming back home/to the place I belong" (to be confirmed at a meeting at the end of this week). If I'm to be frank: I hate this stinking shit hole. Also, I miss my beautiful friends and I'd hate to miss out on making more.

P.S. You might have gathered from the last paragraph that the Black Seeds have found a way back into my heart. And you'd be right. They were perfect on Monday. Thank you Barnaby, for a wonderful evening. Kiss kiss.

P.P.S Funniest. Thing. In world.

16 comments:

Daniel B. McClelland said...

I'M THE FIRST TO COMMENT!

Barnaby has always been the man, for that one track with Flash Harry that was really good. And we are all excited to have beauty back in amongst our midsts Rich.

cheesemeister said...

Yes, to be young and have a liver that works...
Glad you had fun.
Every Easter, my family has lamb. I think it was best when it was made in the way you described, but my mother is prone to experimentation. And I can't cook worth a flock, so the celebration dinners usually fall to her.
Hope you can find a position that's better for you. It sucks to be in a job where you're miserable.
Peace,
The Cheesy 1

Anonymous said...

i can commment. i thinks. oh mys the funniest thing in the world made me laugh. i love www.b3ta.com not promoting my fav little english site in anyway or form oh no. i love how you mention me in your posts with no names. aws. i will leave this in the name of anon just to suceed. 100.
p.s atm goggles. you know. safe. safe. x

Anonymous said...

Sorry Auckland has sucked so much, and sorry I have been so busy that I've been unable to even attempt to convince you otherwise.

Stella will miss you.

I might a little too.

JY

Anonymous said...

If you're still in Auckland in a couple of weeks you'll wanna check out Black Seeds at the zoo... cheapy cheapy, plus you get to look at all the manimals

Richard D. Bartlett said...

apology accepted J.

Peter Caddy said...

Oh man i feel so in the loop. Safe safe lorry innit.
I miss you too J

Allan Mansfield said...

richard, you really are quickly becoming a shitty wellington hippie. Don't make me add 'good for nothing' to that list. Auckland is a grind, but if you ask me, the girls are far prettier up there.

Xavier said...

You. Fucking. Pussy. And I didn't even get the chance to meet you. (Not like that)

Richard D. Bartlett said...

Bro I'll be here for six weeks yet. You can still meet me and the twins.

Anonymous said...

You're such a pathetic wimp.

Furtherest he's ever been away from Mummy and Daddy and he's back within a month or two.

Manfest - effeminate gimp.

Daniel B. McClelland said...

Egads!

Matthew said...

It is my firm oppinion that it is more difficult to "Come of a labarynth game" in Aucklaa than in Welly. A fine choice

Richard D. Bartlett said...

I never denied being effeminate. I happen to like girls, hence the tendency to emulate some of their more delightful characteristics. Please note the tasteful presence of pink on my website.

A wimp on the other hand... I oughta kick you in the fthroat. Call me sometime, we'll make a date - 021 211 0146. Seriously, please call, I would love to fight your tough-talking yellow-bellied anonymous ass. And if I don't get a call, I guess we'll all know who is the wimp around here...

P.S., get a girlfriend

Anonymous said...

Kick me in the throat...?!

Hah - bet you can't even get you leg that high. Ninja...pffft!

Sorry dude, you're pathetic.

Grow some balls.

Richard D. Bartlett said...

Please see video posted a few weeks back for evidence of ninja skills... And as you are obviously a short man, I should think I would have no trouble at all kicking you in the throat. It is too bad you evidently haven't quite mastered the art of the touch-tone phone, because I would really love to hear from you...